The Thank You List | No. 6 A Stranger in a Theater
Thoughts on saying hello to a stranger. A weekly dose of gratitude, one note at a time.
“A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.”
Maya Angelou
One of my favorite luxuries when I am traveling by myself is to find a dance class, a play or a concert to attend, perhaps even a museum to stroll, at then end of a long day of meetings and events. Yes, the beauty of solitude after endless networking is a glorious thing, especially while introducing a serious mind shift and focusing on the arts. But it is not always the solitude that brings joy, it’s the strangers I meet along the way.
A seat mate
Last week, as I was traveling in London, I left my conference and started to stroll down the street. I was in Covent Garden, the theater district, and stumbled upon a billboard featuring Ewan McGregor. I quickly looked up the play, The Master Builder, and saw it was a limited run and this was the only time McGregor had been on the stage since his last London debut in Guys and Dolls. Pure luck, I had also been there, front row, waited from 4am on to get the tickets for 20 Quid and watched Ewan McGregor dance and sing it out to Rocking the Boat nearly 20 years ago. Clearly it was meant to be, so I snatched up one of the last 40 GBP tickets and found my seat.
I expected a quiet evening, but turned to my seat mate and struck up a conversation. She also was seeing a show alone. She had just tucked her little one in for the night, left behind her husband and had also been cruising the streets for last minute, cheap tickets. An International Baccalaureate, English Lit teacher from Singapore and having studied in Oxford, I was absolutely taken by her analysis of the play, how she was thrilled to see Obi-Wan in the flesh, and I furiously took notes on the books she recommended to her high school students. My favorite take-away from the evening, her rule for teaching literature: the authors should be, “Not dead, not white, not male.”
The play was good too, but this lovely woman, whose name I will never remember and whose face I will likely never see again made an impression.
The benefit of “chatting up” strangers
Long time Personal Health columnist of The New York Times, Jane E. Brody, wrote The Benefits of Talking to Strangers during Covid-19. She shared:
My tendency to chat up total strangers I meet in the course of just living has resulted in a slew of acquaintances who have filled my days with pleasantries, advice, information, needed assistance and, most important of all… a valuable sense of connections to people who share my environment.
I might be considered an extroverted introvert. I like my quiet time and need moments of meditation, thought and just being along, but I also thrive when I am engaging with people around me. What about you?
How often do you say hello to a complete stranger in line at the store, on the bus or in a new class?
What conversations are natural for you to start?
Are you concerned about others’ privacy? Or maybe your own?
Most of these examples above, including my experience in the theater, will not develop strong lasting relationships, but they will open up my mind to a world of learning and perspective.
Weak ties
Dr. Katherine L. Fiori, chairwoman of undergraduate psychology at Adelphi University, researched the effects of social relationships and networks on older adults. It wasn’t necessarily the family and close friends that fostered “greater life satisfaction and better emotional and physical health.” It was the “weak ties” they had with individuals coming in and out of their lives in their daily activities.
Who are your “weak ties”? Is it a neighbor you say hello to as you pass them on your daily walk? A parent of a child in your daughter’s class who is just a bright, friendly face every time you have to wait at afternoon pick up? Or a work colleague who you see every day? You’ll probably never have them over for dinner, but striking up a quick conversation about what food you cooked over the weekend is your favorite part of Monday morning.
Essential connections
Brody references a book in her article, “Consequential Strangers: The Power of People Who Don’t Seem to Matter… But Really Do” by Melinda Blau, a science writer, and Karen L. Fingerman, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin. They wrote:
Consequential strangers are as vital to our well-being, growth, and day-to-day existence as family and close friends. Consequential strangers anchor us in the world and give us a sense of being plugged into something larger. They also enhance and enrich our lives and offer us opportunities for novel experiences and information that is beyond the purview of our inner circles. They are vital social connections — people who help you get through the day and make life more interesting.
Oh yes, make life more interesting. On that solo trip to London, it wasn’t just the woman in the theater, it was the server in the restaurant where I sat and ate alone who told me all about where he had moved to London from, it was the tiny book shop owner who became close personal friends of Michael Bond, author of Paddington, and told me about their afternoon teas together, it was the woman picking out sizes of t-shirts alongside me for her husband who apparently was living my parallel life in an exact other country and needed to find extra longs as quickly as possible while hurrying home to her family of 6 after a long work day, who despite her rush, found me on the street outside the store afterwards to make sure, “I found what I was looking for.” I did. A friendly face.
In a world where we are naturally becoming further isolated, headphones, screens, large property lines, taller fences, it is our opportunity to push beyond our comfort zones and find more flavor in life by welcoming “people who don’t seem to matter” in to our day-to-day experience. You never know the friend who may be waiting behind that stranger’s face.
With gratitude,
Darien
The creator of The Thank You List
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